Disney is my middle name.

Don't I wish. It's actually Johana.

Most people just name babies after themselves, but since I never had a girl I'll have to settle for this baby to be named after me, and my own mother by extension. See, I am named after my mother, her first name being Johana. Growing up, I always hated my middle name, it was weird, unusual, hard to pronounce, hard to spell and a general pain in the ass. But the fact is, it's part of my mom that I'll have it with me forever even though she's been gone for too many years.

Another thing I'll always have from her - our love of Disney. I went to the World for the first time at 18 months. Again a few years later around 6 or 7, again at 10, Disneyland at 18 - but then I was an adult. Jumping into the "real" world of a full time job, dating, becoming engaged and then getting married, it seemed about 5 minutes later I was pregnant, having my own baby and then a stroke. A few months passed and I had a pulmonary embolism. Then another. In that mix I ended up being diagnosed with a severe blood clotting condition (that I also got from my mama) and going on disability. Not having a job can seriously hamper any Disney trip budget, let me tell you.

Right around the time the Boy hit 5 years old I started getting that itch, though. I knew at that point that I would never be going back to my stressful, mid-level IT job so we had learned to live on Brian's salary and my disability. We had cut bills down to the minimum and had been saving for a first family vacation, me being somewhat worried that it might be our only family vacation with the rate I was throwing blood clots. We'd already been told that there would be no more kids for us. I really wanted to introduce my only son to the magic of Disney World just like my own mom had done with me. So, we planned a surprise, very budget, trip for Boy and hit the road - er, skies. At that point I hadn't been sprinkled with pixie dust for oh, 12 or 13 years. That first trip back was amazing. It was like going for the first time, seeing it with the newness of a 5 year old child.

I was able to get away then and, for a few days, not constantly think about my health, my prognosis, my limitations. I was able to do what I could, as I could and always felt like Disney would take care of me if anything bad happened - but nothing did. And then I realized why my own mom so loved taking me. It's not about the kids, really, it's about our own memories with our kids. Mom was also disabled but was able to do Disney the same way I did with Boy, slowly, with me. Boy doesn't remember meeting his favorite character Stitch at O'hana. I don't remember riding the carousel. He doesn't remember his stuffed Mickey Mouse that spoke to him at different trigger points in the Park. I don't remember sitting on a bench with her, in front of a lake. He doesn't remember riding "it's a small world", or soaring over London on Peter Pan's Flight. I have forgotten standing in front of a Totem Pole. He won't recall watching fireworks and seeing the Electrical Water Pageant - but I do. The look on his face as he saw all those things for the first time, or even now, seeing them for the 15th still brings joy to my heart. I'm sure my mom felt the same way.

Disney isn't always about the rides, the food or the fireworks. It's about the time and the memories that you make, that you carry forward with you even after the babies have long grown. My baby is now 22 and we're about to go make more of those memories.

Tomorrow Brian and I leave for our umpteenth journey to the House of Mouse, Boy will join us on Sunday. No matter how many times we go, how many things we repeat, how much time, effort and special arrangements it takes to get this disabled, medically fragile woman to and from Orlando, we appreciate every single trip. I love that I went with my mother and now my Boy goes with his. We'll ride Pirates of the Caribbean, eat our way around the world at Epcot and watch fireworks from the DAS designated spot in Magic Kingdom, with me thinking how blessed and lucky I am to have my little family be able to make these journeys together, for however long that lasts.

I'll also be thinking about how much a 22 year old Boy can eat and drink and how expensive churros and turkey legs have become.

But, the other thing I'll be thinking - I'm ok with my middle name now.

Jo is my middle name. 'Ohana means family. I'm on a journey... to so many different places (some of them are even intentional).

So, thanks mom, for that name. And everything else.